Whether you have a natural adrenaline junkie or a cautious, contemplative kid, there will come a time when your child needs a little extra help to make the leap into the unknown. At some point every child succumbs to an attack of the wobbles, refuses to face their fears or simply gets too tired, cold or hungry to leave their comfort zone.
If you can teach them that challenges of trying something new are opportunities to discover new passions and new skills, they’ll learn important lessons about resilience and perseverance. It doesn’t matter whether they’re learning to ride a bike, skiing a steep red run or hiking further than they’ve done before, teaching them to overcome their nerves and discomfort in the great outdoors grows grit that will benefit them in all areas of life. Play it right and the prospect of leaving their comfort zone will transform from a threat to a thrill.
1 Set the example
Nervous about letting your five-year-old loose on that red run? Worried your tween will take a tumble scrambling up scree to a summit? Parents have a natural desire to protect children from the things that scare them. But try to keep concerns to yourself, loosen the reins a little and instead project positivity and excitement. If you’re fretting, they will follow but if you’re relaxed and excited, the chances are they’ll take their lead from you.
‘Your children look to you for how to react to situations,’ explains Megan Hine, adventurer and Scout Ambassador (scouts.org.uk). ‘If you are excited or happy to be outside, the children will follow with a bit of practice. It's ok to be a little nervous. Be honest - it is something you can explore together as a family.’
2 Let them set the pace
Escaping the comfort zone is all well and good, but kids are more likely to gain confidence from a new activity and want to do it again if it’s them setting the pace. It can be demoralising if they’re constantly trying to keep up with an older sibling, parent or friend. So try and let them take the reins, tell them how well they’re doing and pretend you’re just trying to keep up.
3 Take time out with a snack
Never underestimate the power of a snack to turn around an outdoor experience. Children’s energy levels can dip dramatically when they’re struggling with something new. Sometimes all it takes is some time out with a snack to switch up their attitude.
4 Foster a positive attitude
When presented with a challenge, some kids can simply shut down or refuse to try. Try and prevent negative self-talk from creeping in by using optimistic, positive language and showing them you have confidence in them.
5 Take baby steps
Children, especially young kids, and more likely to stay motivated and confident to try new things if you just set small, achievable goals. Break a challenge down into smaller steps to keep motivation and confidence high. Don’t expect too much too soon. If you build up bit by bit each time you venture out, you’ll help them get there on their own terms.
6 Tap into secret superpowers
Take a tip from professional athletes and try a spot of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). By linking feelings of confidence with a physical ‘anchor’ - such as clenching a fist – your child can learn to feel positive and strong when they need it most. All it takes is a bit of prep.
The night before their adventure, ask your child to close their eyes and imagine biking down a trail/skiing/climbing or whatever it is they’re going to try. Talk them through a really good, positive experience. If they’re about to try their first proper mountain bike trail for example, make it come to life for them. ‘You feel so strong and capable as you ride down the trail, you take the bend with ease, you feel so relaxed and happy…’
Describe the details about what your child can see, feel and even smell. The more vivid and positive the description, the better. As you reach the climax of the activity feeling easy/confident/amazing, get your child to ‘anchor’ these feelings by clenching their fist hard. Practise daily for a few weeks before their adventure. If they get an attack of the wobbles, clenching their fist will hopefully trigger those feelings of control and confidence.
7 Shift the focus
If your child loses their nerve or starts fretting, try to work out exactly what it is that’s worrying them. Is it the rocks on that downhill bike trail? Is it the steepness of the climb ahead? Is it the power of the waves when learning to surf? Try and shift their focus away from the things they can’t control and onto what they can. Get them to look for a pathway through the rocks, to focus only on the next few steps of the climb or to nailing their timing to harness the power of the wave to their advantage.
8 Make it clear that it’s ok to make mistakes
Sometimes we resist trying something new because we’re scared to fail. Teach your child that making mistakes is part of the process of learning something new and that it’s ok to mess up because that’s how we learn.
Share your own stories of face-planting at the top of the chairlift, of being pummelled by the surf and losing your board or of standing on the side of the swimming pool for an hour plucking up the courage to dive. Show them that you can laugh about these experiences now; that it was all part of the learning curve.
9 Distract instead of react
Worries getting the better of them? Tiredness kicking in? Try and distract your child from focusing on the negatives. ‘Anything that challenges their mind in a different way will distract them from tiredness,’ says Hine. ‘Putting them in charge of the navigation or of where you are going or of what you see, can empower them to take some ownership.’
10 Quit while they’re ahead
In skiing the last run of the day is notorious. If you push something too hard or for too long – even if it’s feeling good - fatigue or low mood can set in and accidents can happen. Far better to keep it short and call it a day while the going is good if you want to grow confidence and keep them coming back for more.
